The night before

So, I have read many wonderful tributes, memories, thoughts and pondering on my friends blogs and I just haven't got there yet - the whole life on the Internet issue with me but I think tonight a bit of shared rambling would do me good so feel free to listen in if you want.
Megan goes in for a surgery in the morning. This is hardly any thing new for us and in fact the degree and duration of nerves has decreased dramatically over the years. I have found that no matter how often the occurrence the thought and action of seeing your child wheeled off behind the double doors to spend hours literally "under the knife" brings out all the dark corners of uncertainty, fear, panic, and "what ifs" that I can generally keep in the far recesses of my mind.

So, how does a mother do this? I don't know how it works for others but I know for me there have been so many miracles along the way I can only have faith and know that surely God is over all. I want to share some of the miracles. Megan's birth was amazing. I got this email from my Midwife today. I read it to Meg and she said "Thank you"

Dear Megan,You are soooooo special. I remember the day you were born, like it was yesterday. You were beautiful and sweet from the very start. I remember how lovingly your parents brought you into the world and how much love they showed for each other. I didn't even have to help your mother through the contractions, because your Dad was such an awesome coach. They were both so happy to see you. I remember how worried your Dad was when we had to bring you to the hospital. Now look how old you have gotten!Your amazing spirit touched my life forever. Not all babies are born with such a strong spirit. I pray you will do well during your surgery and will be blessed with fast healing. I think you will be pretty popular on your first day of school when you get to tell everyone about your surgery. Please email me a picture.Love,Auntie Liz, your midwife

Megan's first surgery was really a procedure so I went by myself thinking it was no big deal and Mark was off to the "U" with no way to contact him we had just moved from St. George to Murray and I knew no one. Megan came back to me so upset she was just a few months old and I could not console her. A Wonderful women(who was experienced enough to bring her husband) left her child in the care of said husband and sat with Megan and I while a cried my eyes out and until Megan was calm enough and ready to go home. I love the earthly angels that show up right when I need them.

Another surgery, Megan came out upset once again. She has had 14-16 surgeries, yes I lost count, and she has only come out terrible upset a few times. She was probably around 2 years old and was attempting to rip the IV out of her hand - I think she was successful. She was upset and vocal- all screams and crying and then she just calmed down for not apparent reason. A few days later I was talking with my Grandma or Aunt and they, with other family had set a time to pray for Megan, The time was the exact time that Megan calmed down. I have always been so grateful for the power of prayer and for so many willing to pray for our family.

Just the last surgery in April 2007 Megan was terrified of the mask they put on for her to "Go Under" She remembered it clearly and unpleasantly from a surgery 9 months prior. A friend at church is also an anesthesiologist and he came to the rescue and helped Megan know her options and was very patient with her as she refused to let him place the IV in her arm. Well, he got the job done and it was such a comfort to have him with her for the entire surgery - he's allowed behind those ominous double doors!

The greatest comfort of all comes usually the night before the surgery when Mark and a close family friend have the privilege of giving Megan a blessing. Tonight, once again, I was amazed at the comfort, peace, and assurance that we can have as we ask our Father in Heaven, who loves my daughter, even more than I do, to watch over her, comfort her, to be with her. To have the sure knowledge that He will. There will be many loved ones who get to go beyond those double doors - this time Megan will have another Angel watching over her. My Grandma, I am sure, is much happier to be on that end of things, right in the mist of the action making sure her family is taken care of.

One more miracle, or two, are loving little sisters who see clearly enough to show their love and support. Camille listened in on Meg's blessing - she just wanted to make sure Megan would be OK and Lydia - well she didn't run away from hugs at bedtime tonight!